This is my first blog. I rarely start anything properly, I am very hap hazardous. Here goes.
I hate paisley patterns. DETEST paisleys. I’m honestly not even sure if I am spelling that correctly. I didn’t just randomly decide to feel like i should barf when I see this print, it is backed up by cold hard reasons. I just ended the craziest three months of my young-adult life. I lived with quite possibly the CRAZIEST PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF CRAZYS. It’s too much to divulge without seeming crazy myself, so here are just a few key examples:
1. She got blitzed .every.night.
2. But luckily enough for her, she was able to find God again every “morning after”. She asked me for help, to help her not drink all the time and to not do drugs. Especially since it was her Daddy’s money that was funding these items. Too bad this discovery of God only lasted til about 4pm when it was then time to booze up again.
3. She wouldn’t find a job. When she finally did, she worked for 2$ an hour at a Crab Shack but it was “cool” because her boss let her use WIFI for free all day and cute boys came in. Can’t make this up.
4. She had a hunting dog in our SUPER TINY loft apartment. She never took the dog on a walk, and it pooped EVERYWHERE.
5. She broke my hair straightener, party lamp, and my full length mirror. Of course she couldnt replace my things because she was only making 2$ an hour.
6. Her dad payed her half of the rent, and bought her whatever she wanted. But she told all of her friends she’s worked so hard to be where she was.
7. She told me I was an atheist and I was going to burn in hell, because I didn’t let her buy a POT BROWNIE from my friend.
8. I told her I was moving out, she told her friends she “kicked my alcoholic ass out”.
9. My last night in the house, she invited my ex over, got him drunk and high and did him. YEP. She went there.
She liked Paisleys.
I feel like I rambled a lot. There is a really funny story of her getting out of her car barefoot and cellphone-less at 2am on a four lane busy road and running into the woods while I drive around the strip mall parking lot yelling her name and telling her this isn’t what God had planned for her. That was pretty much the jist of it actually.
She's the fire-crotch, btw.
MOVING ON…
I spent a year growing my hair out. It was long, and sexy. And yesterday, I cut it all off. No legitimate thought process behind this, just did it. I thought I liked it, but nope, not liking it. I think it is just because I am about ten pounds heavier than I am when I think I actually look good, and my face looks chubbier with short hair. I decided to join a GYM over spring break. Maybe having a butch hair-cut will make me get into shape again.
I’m lying to myself. I’ve never been “in-shape”. In-Shape to me used to mean eating a bowl of oatmeal once a day for two weeks and looking emaciated. I think the gym thing is probably something I can do on a long-term basis, the oatmeal fast…not so much. Or I could be like Beyonce and drink some toxic lemonade. Or better yet, order some tape worms to just eat all my food for me and then migrate to my brain. YES PEOPLE DO THAT. I just got a shiver. Ew.
I moved back in with my parents for a while in South Carolina, “Smiling Faces, Beautiful Places”. It really is nice, can’t even complain. Any day I don’t wake up to my ex-roomate stumbling around loudly, looking for her sunglasses and “stogies” is an amazing day.
I’m working for Spring Break. The deli I work at is closing for the week and we are catering at a hospitality house for Master’s guests. I’m bartending. WOOT. Getting old people sloshed should be fun.
In closing, strikegently.com owns my life.
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